We always knew we were onto something huge.
After all, a store that self-describes as "Hotter than two rats banging in a wool sock" is destined for greatness.
However, this week, after careful analysis and some serious reflection, we can state beyond any reasonable doubt that 100% of Thunder Liger customers (also known as Thunder Liger-ers) are "hot."
Here's how we came to this extravagant, yet totally legit claim.
Gather Your Data
Who doesn't use promo codes when they're offered to them? They save you money and the suspense of entering one in your cart and hitting "apply" to see if it actually works is such a rush.
This month, we created two new coupons to get our valued customers out of the holiday blues.
Since we had a hunch only hot people wear bamboo watches, we decided to say thanks for being so pleasing to the eye and offered 5% off if you were hot (those coupons are still available if you click here).
Of course, being 2017 and in the age of political correctness, we also decided to offer the coupon to not hot people so they don't feel left out (not hot people can still get the coupons here.
Now we know what you'll say.
Some brainiac will say "oh what's to say the customer actually IS hot and not lying to you".
Well Sherlock, this is the age of the internet and you can pretty much trust anyone on here. That's why we're helping out several Nigerian princes getting their funds unfrozen as we speak.
Math is for Nerds
Ok so at this point, we have customers buying watches and choosing a coupon based on their corresponding level of hotness right?
If you're hot you use coupon A, if you're not hot you use coupon B.
Little did we know the creation of two coupons would spark intellectual pursuits only experienced since the age of enlightenment.
Ya, didn't think Copernicus would show up here did you? Look it up.
Lucky for us, our new-age store keeps track of which coupons get used for each sale. The next obvious step was to crunch some numbers with this information.
Still with us?
We used the power of Excel to draw up some spiffy charts and make sense of all this mumbo jumbo. Did you think we'd count all this by hand? Urgh, math is for nerds
Anyways, here's what we got:
Now hold on, we know what your next brainiac comment is going to be.
It's something like "hey you said 100% and I see a sliver which means it's not 100%", isn't it?
First off, no one likes a tattle-tale.
Second, that person is actually hot because they sent us an apology letter for lying and trying to be funny in front of their friends.
Thunder Liger forgives, Thunder Liger forgives.
There you have it folks! Science says it beyond any reasonable doubt: our customers are all hot.
Lucky for you, if you buy a bamboo or wooden watch from our store, you can be hot too!